The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
