i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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