i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
