Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
