Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
