that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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