Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
