Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
