he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Mom said you looked used
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
