You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
