why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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