I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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