i think my tv is drunk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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