Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
