I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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