i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
