i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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