I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
