I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
