K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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