Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
