I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
