I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
PANTIES FOUND
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