Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
