I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
