I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
