I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
