he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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