im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
