i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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