the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
