Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
