i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
