Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
