apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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