I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
