You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
