If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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