who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
