Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
