Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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