you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I looked at my own cervix.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
