you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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