omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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