I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
