You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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