God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
