she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
