Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
