don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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