The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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