Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
