I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
