3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
