I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
