Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
